Although I finished strong, this holiday’s firsts pulled me into a bit of a pit. As my son says, “I’m not gonna lie.” So, I won’t.

It was a hard day.

I knew it was coming. I knew I would be alone on Thanksgiving and I had prepared for it. I would share my Thanksgiving meal with a dear friend and her family. I was excited and looking forward to it.

But early on that Thanksgiving morning, when I realized for the first time in my life that I would not be seeing any family on Thanksgiving, a sinking feeling grabbed me and suddenly I found my face wet with tears.

Each family member had checked in with texts and photos and good wishes. But I could not get myself in gear to move through the day ahead.

I had great plans.

I was going to get up early to make my dear Aunt Pearl’s squash casserole. But when her hand-written notes set off another bout of tears, I decided that memory was not a good one to recall – at least not that day.

I hoped caffeine would help. I made an extra strong cup of coffee and wheeled into my bedroom where I was greeted by the outfit I had planned to wear that day. Keep moving, I kept telling myself. It’s a great outfit, good colors, on trend. Move into your plans, Becky. Let’s go.

I did, but my pace was off.

“Slow start this morning,” I texted my friend. “Can you come for me an hour later?”

Of course she could.

By then, I was ready. When I wheeled into her home, the smells of Thanksgiving overwhelmed me. No tears this time, just a strange relief. The energy of her family, their helpfulness, and their caring ways for each other warmed me with a massive invisible hug. They made room for me in their home, in their family celebration, and in their hearts.

Did they know they were rescuing me?

I tried to make conversation, but it seemed trite. I couldn’t get my words to match my thoughts. And then I couldn’t get my brain to hold on to what I heard.

So stop trying to engage, Becky. Just enjoy the day.

And I did.

So what did I learn?

• Even when we know what’s coming and prepare for it, the firsts are hard. Change is hard.
• You cannot plan away pain; sometimes the best you can do is to keep moving.
• Don’t dismiss reality. If it’s too hard to engage, just go with the flow and enjoy being a part of someone else’s plan.

So thanks my dear friend, Beth (p. 177 for those of you who’ve read my book) for sharing your Thanksgiving with me and especially for including me in the pumpkin-throwing contest.

How about you? Did you have any firsts this Thanksgiving? Tell me about it. I’d love to know.

P.S. Although once again, Madison pushed away the Thanksgiving meal I prepared for her, we enjoyed a great visit before Thanksgiving.

And Pete arrived the day after Thanksgiving. We shopped til we dropped. Yep, we were on fire! I cherished every moment.

And of course this snapchat pic of Brittany and my grandson, Beckett, brightened my day.