Sometimes I read a passage during my morning quiet time that “nails me to my pew,” as my pastor father used to say. Mark Nepo, one of the deepest thinkers I know of, has done it again. From “Meeting the World,” in The Book of Awakening, he writes:
“The heart is very much like a miraculous balloon. Its lightness comes from staying full.”
I love it when someone jumps inside my mind, pokes around in there, and then distills my mode of living down into a couple of sentences.
I needed that reminder this week. Today is that holiday. The one filled with romance and love and hugs and hearts.
Yep, it’s Valentine’s Day.
It’s a skimpy holiday for me. I’m divorced with no love interest at the moment. My kids are grown and have their own lives and loves.
Don’t get me wrong, though. People love me. It’s just that I’m no one’s number one.
It’s a particularly tender month for me, as it is filled with matters of the heart. My divorce was final this month. My elder son, who died at age fifteen, was born this month. And, it’s the anniversary month of my bout with transverse myelitis, that malicious inflammation of the spinal cord that affects one in a million and paralyzed me twenty-two years ago.
It’s also my birthday month, a celebratory time, but also a time for reflection on the dreams I had, now shadowed by a reality I could have never imagined.
Yet, I’m happy. My heart is full—a testament to Nepo’s words—because my life is full.
But why?
Nepo offers this:
Wow.
I’ll admit it. When my youngest child left for college, I mourned the loss, really mourned that loss. I guess I felt that outer world of change pressing in on me and my empty heart. Yet, it was a joyful emptiness. We want to see our children grow up and out.
That’s our job, right?
But that barren feeling wouldn’t go away on its own; I had to fill it up. As I looked around at those empty bedrooms and the blank spaces on my calendar, I realized my nest wasn’t empty; it was open! I now had room for other interests that had been lying dormant underneath all those parenting years. New routines, friends, and hobbies slowly filled my world and lightened my heart.
I may be no one’s number one, but I’m pretty sure I’m ranked in the top ten, maybe even top five, in many of my loved ones’ lives. But the truth is, that’s not up to me. My focus is to keep my heart filled with the things that bring me joy.
Here’s one, a big one: family time. Even though we all live in different states now, when we’re together, we celebrate in a big, memorable way.
How about you? How do you lighten you heart? Tell me about it. I’d love to know.
And yes, whether yours is skimpy or ample, Happy Valentine’s Day!
My best – always,
Becky (Nana B)
P.S. More Tidying Up progress! Love it! Thanks for sending pics! #Encouragement
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Lovely post.
Thank you, Catherine!